The ICU
The horror I knew from my surgery continued into the ICU. The terror and agony I felt was tremendous, unbelievably maddening, and soul destroying. My doctors failed to get my pain under control, so for the next two weeks all I knew was woe. I was thrusted into torment with nowhere to go. My loved ones and friends rallied beside me, they were my angels, my guardians, and guides.
In this terrible journey I rekindled lost bonds, made new friends and in the madness of the moment destroyed old ones. I can only imagine how horrific it must have been to watch me howl for hours on end, to see me switch from being sweet to mean and back again. Everything was twisted and turned, and I was tied into knots. My insides burned and blazed until my nerves were completely frayed.
Jamie and so many others remained my ally, they held my hand and rubbed my back. As the haunting sensations seared through my soul I asked for someone to tell me a story. I needed a tale to untwist and take me back to somewhere safe. My friend Pam began to tell a tale, it was the greatest story I had ever heard, it soothed my soul and set my spirit free, and once again I was able to breathe.
The nightmare came again and again, and each time I lost touch with all my friends. There were minutes when the pain was so great nothing else existed. I can remember a moment when it became so awesome, so overwhelming I could see my nerves light up like molten steel and burn through every ounce of my flesh.
Somehow through all this I found my phone, it was blurry, but I could still see. I poked around at the names and one landed before me. It was Casey, the woman with the magical eyes and sweet smile. I typed a cry for help, for her to come and save my soul. I wept as I wrote and invited her to visit with me.
The medicine erases your memory, so when she stepped before me it was like heaven visiting earth. The sight of her eyes was divine, and every hurt seemed to fade at that second. Something called her to me, and I am uncertain what it was, but I was thankful. In my weakened and childlike state I fell in love. Perhaps it was the torment of my existence, or maybe God had sent me a dove, all I knew was at that moment I felt peace. She stayed with me nearly every day. Sometimes she laid beside me in my crazy state, and when she was near she made the day a little easier to tolerate.
