Free Yourself and Forgive
An important message for intense times! Whatever your current challenge, I offer that the answer is to let go as much as you can and ultimately forgive. Then take action from a place of power rather than fear.
“Psh! All that fluffy forgiveness, love and let go BS again! It’s so invalidating. It’s not that easy. I’ve already tried that, and it doesn’t work. Besides, THEY don’t deserve it!”
All this may be so. And I have a new message for who you are now, where you’re at now.
I’ll preface by saying that it can take years or decades to get to a point where you’re ready to forgive. Don’t rush or force it. Healing takes time. Forgiveness can happen very quickly when you’re ready and committed to healing yourself. When you forgive, you do it for you, to unburden and free yourself so you feel good. You don’t do it for the other person. You can forgive and still hold the other accountable, have boundaries or walk away.
So the question is, are you ready? You will know because life is putting pressure on you, you feel anxious and stuck and the costs are too high for you to NOT let go and move forward (with your badass life).
In order to let go, it’s necessary to explore the hurt, pain, anger, unfairness, the scariness. Look it square in the eyes, feel it all, express it aloud to yourself, a space-holder or in a letter you don’t send. When else did you feel this? Get to the root and feel it again. This can take seconds or months when doing this on your own. Use your detective skills to find the meaning you made of the experience, the limiting, painful thought. The meaning isn’t right/wrong or good/bad. The question is whether it serves you anymore for where you are now and where you’re going. Then ask if you can let go of even a little bit of the pain/energy and then a little more? “No” is always an acceptable answer! Eventually you may ask if you can forgive that person? And then can you forgive YOURSELF?
Whew! That’s a big one!
Letting go and forgiving can be scary because we create an identity around the pain, an identity as a victim. “Because this thing happened to me, I am limited in these ways. That’s who I am. That’s how it will always be. Don’t expect anything more of me. I’m justified in my limitations.”
If you’re still not sure if you can let go, ask:
- Who would I be if I let go of the meaning and importance I’m giving this memory?
- Who would I be if I let go of this pain I’ve been carrying for so long?
- Who would I be if I let go of feeling this way when I think of that person? What would I feel instead? Can I handle that?
- Who would I be if I let THEM off the hook, gave them grace, believed they did their best, fulfilled their contract?
- Who would I be without this limitation?
Often the circumstance, condition or person becomes the reason, the excuse that we hold ourselves back. It makes us feel better about ourselves. Thus, it seems easier and safer to hold on to the past. Again, there’s no judgement of right/wrong, good/bad. We all do this. It comes down to whether the coping strategy has outlived its usefulness. Are you happy and healthy? Do you want a different experience?
These answers can be very scary because it’s either unknown, which is frightening, or you know the answer and it’s even scarier!
The answer is probably that you’d be the confident, happy, capable, prosperous person you’ve always wanted to be. You’d let people in, ask for support, speak up, show up for yourself, believe in and trust in yourself and others. That’s so unfamiliar though! And unfamiliar doesn’t feel safe.
It’s a risk. You’d risk sharing your heart and inner world only to be rejected. You’d have to risk betting on yourself, failing, losing everything, and being judged as a fool, a bad person, and all the other assessments your ego wants to protect you from. If you let go, your whole world could crumble and a whole new, amazing world could form. Yikes!
You may wonder if you really have what it takes to brave those storms, if you’re strong enough to hold yourself up enough to be that confident, capable, happy, successful person with authentic, healthy, fulfilling relationships.
Would you head into the storm and do whatever it took if you KNEW the desired outcome was ASSURED? Your initial response may be yes but don’t be so sure. Observe what comes up as you feel into the discomfort that could happen along the journey. The self-doubt. Now can you let that go?
The thought that “the kingdom of heaven is within”, happiness is available now, can be truly terrifying because we’d have to let go of a piece of outlaw over we identify with, who would you be without it?
You are a grown-ass, independent adult, YOU are the one holding you back. Not that person who did that thing to you years ago.
That person, circumstance, maybe even that medical condition, has given you an excuse to NOT step into your Big person shoes (higher self) and instead gave you permission to be your little, small conditioned self who is waiting for someone or something to come along and save you.
We build subconscious walls or enclosures to keep ourselves safe & small and then we feel trapped and stuck, with chronic tension, fatigue, inflammation (sickness), anxiety, depression…from holding it all in! It’s draining and exhausting!!!!
We can change this! You can let go and heal yourself! I know because I’ve done it myself and continue to peel back the layers and crumble the next wall of protection. Every week I see clients quickly liberate themselves from the past too! There are more pieces to the puzzle than can be shared in a post. This is a legit start though.
When you courageously do this work it brings about more and more liberation and gratitude. You’ll be more in touch with your inner voice, feelings, and personal power. You’ll see that the imagined risks and fears weren’t really that bad and the challenges made the journey worthwhile.
When Life happens, when things fall apart, when your heart breaks, you will find that you trust in yourself to have the courage, capacity, and confidence to pick yourself up and start over – after a good ole pity party.
I promise, you can do this! I believe in you!
Contemplating this question of who you’d be if you let go of THAT thing, is a good start. Be patient and compassionate with yourself and others. If you’d like professional guidance to accelerate your self-healing journey, reach out. I’m here.
The future is vast and bright!
-Lorraine Clarkson, Relationship and Transformation Coach at Sacred Healing Practices
